WORLD CLASS EX-HUSBAND MANIFESTO

To my ex-husband brothers,

Let me preface all the below by saying I am not perfect, I still have many flaws and don’t always get it right. But, I live what I preach and so for this manifesto to be the integrity bomb I would like it to be please know there’s integrity in posting this. My ex-wife — who’s nobody’s fool — sees all my writings so trust me she will call me out on any bullshit stories I try to sell to the public.

Sometimes things don’t work out the way we hoped at the altar. Life happens, shit happens, people evolve and change, situations change, sometimes we need to set each other free for our mutual greatest good.

In my case, I hadn’t been a great husband. I stopped investing myself in the relationship, I blamed her for all of her and my shortcomings, and moreover I violated our wedding vows. These were my narcissistic asshole days — it wasn’t pretty — you get the picture. A man out of integrity is an ugly sight to see, pitiful really.

But I own my missteps. I apologized for all the things I could have done better, for the love and respect she deserved as my wife that I held back from her. In life, there’s no foundation to becoming a mensch unless you make amends first.

So, when we got divorced, I told her I cannot change how I showed up in the past but I can own how I show up now. As the ink dried on our divorce papers I vowed that my commitment to her was to be a world class ex-husband and to show up as the father our three beautiful kids deserved.

Now, it’s easy to speak for me because my ex-wife is not only a badass mom, she might just be the most kind, compassionate, and reasonable woman I know. And, I am very lucky that way, I have too many friends who’s ex-wives are vindictive poisonous bitches.

But, guess what? All of life is energy. The fact is, she’s coming from hurt, she’s in pain, her heart is bleeding as her dreams of love and happily ever after got blown to smithereens. So, if you can keep your energy pure, loving, compassionate, and conscious and don’t allow yourself to be seduced to play in the treacherous bath water of the tears of her heart you are going to be able to be a medicine man. Her energy will inevitably change, it might take time as healing wounds of the heart can be stubborn work, but she will heal.

And, even if she doesn’t. Even if she remains steadfast in being impossible, man up and hold your consciousness, hold your integrity, hold your heart wide open and take the hurt like the man of substance and integrity you are. This is as much for you as it’s for her, but it’s especially for your kids.

A world class ex-husband shows up, he helps and supports her wherever he can, he shows up as a father, he shows up to fix shit when things need fixing, he’s respectful to her in word and thought, and mostly he doesn’t use financial support as leverage in any way. For her to rebuild her life and to be the badass mom your kids deserve, she needs to know she has a solid financial foundation. That she can count on you for that. A man of integrity never f*cks with a woman’s primordial need to feel safe and protected, not in the least the mother of your kids. You tell her this repeatedly, “I got you” are words she needs to hear, especially when her heart is still hurting. It’s your masculine archetypal duty to do this — your sacred duty — so don’t give me any horse-shit copout about what the law says. Since when are you a minimalist underachiever? This isn’t a good place to start, in fact it’s the worst.

Now, you do all this and just see what happens. I promise you she will respond in miraculous ways, she will heal her wounds on her time clock and become an amazing co-parenting partner who will have your back also. She will be grace embodied because that’s her true nature, she might just be deeply hurt right now which is why it’s not shining through yet. But, that’s not really who she is and you know that — you married her at one point, remember?

Own this. For your kids, for her, and for yourself. Your only daily task is to be able to witness yourself in the mirror at night and respect the man you see. That’s it, take the f*cking venomous arrows brother because that’s what we men do if that’s how it’s playing out, your loving energy and consciousness will inevitably transmute hers because holding a grudge is exhausting, she will tire out eventually I promise.

So, for God’s sake own this, it will deepen you as a man and the purifying of your soul in this aspect will prepare you well for bringing new love into your life because nobody — and I mean nobody — can stand the ugly sight of a man that’s a douchebag to his ex-wife and the mother of his kids.

Finally, about new love. Let me share my rules so you have something to work with. Very early on, I will tell my prospective new goddess that I come with baggage — I like to call it a very special package — and that’s three amazing kids and a world class ex-wife. We’re tight, we don’t live together but we’re still a family. Now, it’s not a closed circle. You’re invited to become part of our circle. Even to color it with your love, beauty, and grace. In fact, we would want you to because love knows no bloodlines. But, this circle is sacred to me. Loving me is loving them, all of them and that even includes my ex-wife’s partner (and his kids) who I value and respect highly. I have walked away from what could have been beautiful relationships over these rules, some things in life are simply not negotiable.

I see you brother. The shit isn’t always easy, especially when you’re seemingly the only one pulling the cart. But, you got this, so now go tell her your commitment — speak it into being — and then own it. You have just become a man of substance, of integrity, of real worth, and real value. Omg, now this is sexy juicy stuff, hold this sacred masculine energy about you and your dance card is going to fill up real fast so you better buckle up…😉

It’s all just energy — be the master of it — it’s that simple.

Love & Truth,

Robert